Answering Viewer Mail

I received a comment from a reader on the recent post You Missed the Part About My Underwear regarding the bass clef, in which I said, “I don’t understand why someone decided to invent the bass clef. I mean, what was wrong with the treble clef? Why, when playing the piano, does one have to read two different clefs where the notes mean two different things? As they say in France, “This is a bloody outrage!”"

The comment went as follows:
“You had me until you b****ed about the bass clef.”

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your recent comment in support of the bass clef.

As you know, the lines of the bass clef represent different notes when compared to the treble clef. Although it correctly represents the continuation of notes in a descending scale from the note C in the treble clef, it still presents unnecessary difficulties for students learning to simultaneously read right- and left-hand notation.

A further examination of methodology used in treble and bass clef memorization proves the utter folly of having two different clefs. Students learning the lines of the treble clef (E-G-B-D-F) are taught “Every Good Boy Does Fine.” What a wholesome and positive commentary on the predicted general outcome of good, hard-working boys! By comparison, the lines of the bass clef (G-B-D-F-A) are memorized as Good Boys Do Fine Always. This is a flat-out lie, an outrageous, unsubstantiated claim. Good boys don’t always do fine - just look at Jerod Mayo, who seems like a fine, upstanding gentleman. But he plays football for the New England Patriots, a lying, cheating organization.

And what about the spaces? The treble clef spaces are F-A-C-E and, of course are memorized as “Face.” Here’s the face of National Treasure’s Diane Kruger.
Isn’t that nice?

However, the bass clef space notes are A-C-E-G, and are learned as “All Cows Eat Grass.” Cows. Wonderful.

Here’s a cow:

Additionally, anyone who’s ever been downwind of a cow pasture knows what happens when cows eat grass.

So, dear reader, you may be hung up on the bass clef. And cows. As for me, I’ll take Diane Kruger and the treble clef.