Riff Raff Gregg

Pirates Trade PNC Park to Cubs for Prospect

The Pittsburgh Pirates today traded their home field, taxpayer-funded PNC Park, to the Chicago Cubs for a single-A pitching prospect. GM Neil Huntington told reporters, “We’ve had our eye on this kid for a long time. We felt, especially since we didn’t give up one of our veterans, that this was a good deal for us. We project this particular pitcher to be a number 5 starter in 2017.” Huntington’s counterpart in Chicago told the Sun-Times, “We’re delighted with this trade. PNC Park is a gem, and the guy we gave up has two broken arms and is awaiting Tommy John surgery.”

Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravensthal, whose parents had taken him to Disney World for a pre-school vacation, said in a statement, “I’m really, really upset at this.” He added, “I can’t wait for school to start. Gym class is my favorite.”

Obviously feeling the need to address the mayor’s stinging criticism, Pirate owner Bob Nutting spoke for the first time in eleven years. Breaking his vow of silence, he told reporters, “I do what I want. I’m the owner. We’re trying to build a winner. It’s not about money. I know people are upset. We’re excited for the future.”

Shortly after Nutting spoke, the Pirates announced they have added another fireworks show to take place next Friday in the dirt pit that was once PNC Park. 290,000 tickets have already been sold for the event.

In related news, the Pirates unveiled their new logo…

…new mascot…

…and new hat emblem

When Does Steeler Training Camp Start?

Es tu, David?

David Ortiz joins the long list of MLB drug cheats with the announcement today that he tested positive for banned drugs in 2003.

With the list of dopers now seemingly longer than those…how should I say…not yet caught, the big question is, does anybody care?

But there’s hope. Tomorrow night is Floppy Fishing Cap Night at PNC Park.

Who says I don’t see the good in all things?

It’s Just Like When Spacecraft Re-enter Earth’s Atmosphere

My regular readers may be wondering what’s going on with the controller negotiations that I so passionately wrote about in past columns. Here’s what I know:

A whole bunch of articles were resolved and agreed to and otherwise put aside. The biggies, all of the meat and most of the potatoes, were sent to arbitration. These articles, naturally, dealt mostly with pay. So the arbitrators have a month to decide upon (and will issue a binding judgement on) each article. As is typical in these matters, the arbitrators don’t release any information. They arbitrate then they release their rulings. So we’re in the blackout period. Think of when the Apollo spacecraft came back to earth. As Lucy Rogers points out in her book, It’s Only Rocket Science, “The friction causes the temperature around the craft to build up heat which strips electrons from the air particles, leaving ionized air around the craft. Communication through the electrically charged ionized air is extremely difficult and communication can be blocked.” It’s just like that.

I understand that the FAA argued forcefully against lifting the pay freeze imposed on controllers, saying the agency couldn’t afford it. (Apparently they could afford their own raises and lavish bonuses.) In this age of endless money printing, that argument is laughable.

Stay tuned.

Pirates Announce Change to Bobblehead Policy

The Pittsburgh Pirates have announced that, effective immediately, all Pirate Bobblehead dolls will be made of recyclable material.

Separated at Birth? You Decide

Proving that I can be as petty as the Spanish press…

Contador

Alien

The Bore de France

I’m a fan of the Tour.

There’s something about bike riders splaying their guts to get themselves over the top of a 10,000 foot mountain and then rocketing down the other side while peeling a banana at 62 miles an hour.

I know Americans generally aren’t fond of the Tour, nor are they fond of tennis and hockey, my two other passions. No, Americans prefer competitions where the participants are drug free. Like Baseball.

But as much as I love the Tour, I have to say that this year was a dud, even as this edition marked the return to competitive racing of Lance Armstrong. Blame the organizers, who added in too many downhill finishes, allowing riders who lost ground on the climbs to catch back up on the descents.

The race was supposed to be won on a place called Mt. Ventoux, the lunar-looking monster-mountain on which the last competitive stage finished and on which British cyclist Tom Simpson famously died on July 13, 1967. The death is epic to fans of bicycle racing, and to every British citizen whether they care about the Tour or not. Simpson, a solid rider who had racked up impressive road wins, came to the ‘67 tour with the hopes of winning. He contracted a stomach bug early in the Tour, and by the time the race reached Ventoux, Simpson was suffering dehydration. On the slopes he became disoriented and crashed badly. He implored spectators to help him back up. He continued on, carrying the hopes of Britain with him. He was also carrying three amphetamine tubes, two full, one empty, not to mention a blood-alcohol level that would make Foster Brooks proud. He collapsed and died less than half a mile from the summit still clipped into his pedals. Like I said, epic.

Luckily, no one suffered Simpson’s fate this year, on Ventoux or elswhere, although Jens Voigt crashed badly on Stage 16 descending the Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard. Definition of a bad crash: sparks visibly trailing the bike in direct sunlight. Anyway, the promised epic Stage 20 was a bust, and by the time the riders had dragged themselves past the Simpson monument, nothing much changed.

Still, there were moments. On Stage 15, the first Alpine stage, eventual winner Alberto Contador pulled away from the field - and teammate Armstrong - to take the race lead. It was apparent then that Lance could not match the Spaniard’s climbing abilities and would therefore not win the Tour. Suffering badly, the Texan followed teammate (and old adversary) Andreas Kloden up the day’s last climb, Verbier. Kloden used to ride tempo for Jan Ullrich when Ullrich was Armstrong’s main challenger. In Stage 17 of the 2004 Tour, Armstrong seemingly came from nowhere to catch Kloden at the line, denying the German a stage win at Le Grand-Bornand. Armstrong later said he felt extra motivation because he had been spat upon and taunted by German fans in the previous day’s run up Alpe D’Huez. It was something watching Andreas pace the vanquished Lance up to Verbier: somber for sure, yet satisfying to know that these two had come full circle.

The Tour now belongs to Contador and the Spanish, who seem to relish besting Armstrong and the other Americans. Contador said on Monday, “I have never had a great admiration for (Armstrong) and I never will.” Well. There may come a day when Alberto realizes the incredible stupidity of this statement, perhaps when an old adversary is pulling him up a mountain pass on a day in which a young climber has bested him. In the short term, Contador will ride for a new team next year, and he may quickly discover how impossible the Tour is to win without valuable teammates. Ask Cadel Evans.

At least one observer, 3-time champion Greg LeMond, thinks that Contador was just a little too fast. Who knows? Contador was linked to then absolved of any involvement in the doping scandal known as Operacion Puerto. It takes weeks for the drug samples to come back from the Tour labs. Ask Floyd Landis.

So here’s to next year and to a stronger Lance. Here’s to the continued exposure and success of his Livestrong campaign. Here’s to his new team, RadioShack, and to the future of American cycling. And here’s to the Tour. It may involve the French, but even they’re getting likable again.

PNC Park: Pittsburgh’s Version of Wally World

In the event that you care, the Pittsburgh Pirates are back in action tonight at PNC Park following the All-Star break. They face the San Francisco Giants. Plenty of good seats are still available. I know. I went to the ticket section of the Pirates website and typed in 19 (the biggest number I could enter) - Best Available. I was offered 19 seats in the Field Box Level.

In an earlier post, I called the Pittsburgh Pirates organization a trainwreck. I received angry letters from trainwrecks, demanding an apology.

The Pirates have a fan forum on their site. This surprises me - are there any fans left?

I’ll say this about the Pirates website writers: these guys and gals are good. They should write speeches for Joe Biden and demand he stay on script. Here’s a sampling of what’s available as of 6:15 this morning:

–Pirates All-Stars Zach Duke and Freddy Sanchez didn’t play Tuesday in the Midsummer Classic, but despite the NL falling, 4-3, to the AL, it was an experience they relished.

–So how exactly does one characterize the first half of the Pirates’ season? It’s a more complex answer than you may think.

I mean, really. The Pirates lost 11 of 14 preceding the break. They are 12 games below .500 and in last place in the NL Central. How complex is that?

But there’s also this:
–For the second time in seven years, Pirates reliever Tyler Yates will have a season ended by Tommy John elbow ligament replacement surgery.

OK, season-ending surgeries are part of baseball, but I did a little digging and found this little gem from 3/26/08. Please note the comment from the latest engineer of the Pirates train, GM Neil Huntington:
–Right-hander Tyler Yates was just the arm the Pirates were looking to add to their bullpen this spring. With his 6-foot-4 frame, above-average fastball and complementing slider, Yates will be considered as a possible setup man for closer Matt Capps. The Pirates acquired Yates by trading pitching prospect Todd Redmond to the Braves Wednesday. “We saw a young arm that we like,” said Pirates general manager Neal Huntington.

But at least Friday is Beach Towel night. That’s right, beach towels. In Pittsburgh.

Just for fun, I went over to the Boston Red Sox site to view their promotional/giveaway schedule. Of course they don’t have one. They have a team - one of the best teams money can buy, but a team. Here in Pittsburgh we have that great big fallback known as PNC Park. Here the team stinks so bad and has for so long that we’re told it’s all about the nice park, perhaps the nicest park in all of the major leagues, and the giveaways. Call me contrary, but give me Forbes Field (generally a lousy place to watch a game) and a great team. Clemente. Stargell. Alley. Oliver. Mazeroski. Keep your freaking Matt Capps bobblehead and give me a closer like Kent Tekulve.

Once you realize how hopeless the Pirates situation is you begin to wonder if maybe you could better spend your time in one of Pittsburgh’s other fine parks, like Schenley, Frick, Highland, Kennywood. At least you could move around, maybe get some exercise. I know PNC has great food, cheap by MLB standards, but $7 for a beer is still expensive, and apparently the profits from alcohol and food aren’t going into on-field improvements.

I attended a game last year at which my son’s school chorus sang the National Anthem. We got there early, and as soon as the kids marched across the outfield to get in place, my family and I ran down to the first-base railing to get as close a view as possible. It was June, so the Pirates were all but eliminated from the playoff race. As fate would have it, the Penguins were playing in the Stanley Cup Finals that night across town, so there were about 40 people in the park, mostly other parents of singers. So we’re standing there and the kids are getting ready to sing, when an usher comes down and asks to see our tickets. Well, our tickets were for another section, but I explained we wanted to watch the singing then we would move to our seats. The usher told us we had to leave. There was no one behind us, in fact there were more empty seats than there are billions of dollars of debt in one of President Obama’s budgets. Not good enough, the usher barked, we had to leave. I had not the time or inclination to argue, so we left. We ran to a different area in time to watch the singers do their thing.

If the Pirates ever put a winner on the field, PNC might be a great place to go. But for this writer, you can have it. You can have the fireworks, bobbleheads, lousy players, inept management, grumpy ushers, $7 beers, et al. Oh, and the beach towels.

Pat Forrey’s June Surprise

Surprise!

Yesterday the president of the National Air Traffic Controller’s Association, Pat Forrey, released “some general information on some of the issues” being worked in the contract negotiations between controllers and the FAA. It was welcome news to many, and indeed some of the issues that have already been settled point to a favorable outcome for controllers and the flying public.

But in releasing the information, Forrey defied his own National Executive Board who had wisely decided not to release details of the entire negotiations until their publication had met the approval of the arbitrators. And why did the president of NATCA, who has a history of withholding information from the people who put him in office, risk drawing the ire of his own governing board and the very people who will decide the big issues? Why, there’s an election to win, of course.

You see, today, July 1, is the day that controllers can begin casting electronic votes for the position of president. Forrey, seeking a second term, is in a battle. He’s opposed by his own vice-president and a former vice-president. To counter the consistent charge that he withholds information from the rank and file, Forrey cherry-picked the articles and sent a selection out to the peed-upon. In Forrey’s world, we now react to the news of being able to wear tennis shoes to work by sweeping him back into office on a giant wave of glee and enthusiasm.

Nothing released in Forrey’s typically poorly written memo addresses the key element of the still ongoing negotiations: pay. Money. Green. Moola. Forrey has kept controllers in the dark for so long that feeding them a few tasty scraps seems politically brilliant. But sit back for just a moment and consider: at what price do you give up a dress code? At what price do you give up work and vacation schedules? A contract’s favorability can only be judged when each article is seen in context. Double my salary and I’ll wear a tuxedo to work. Cut my pay in half and I’ll feel no better that I can wear a Steeler jersey on game day.

The good news - and there is some regarding what has already been agreed to, and I’ll cover it in a future post - is that controllers’ collective chain has been yanked so often and so forcefully that yesterday’s developments should seem like nothing new. However, instead of the FAA or Congress or this or that Administration doing the pulling, our very own leader tugged, and tugged hard. Shame on you. Pat. What few non-cynics remain in the ranks should now convert.